Apolonia Read online

  "So?" he said. He wasn't being rude, but that didn't stop Ellie's cheeks from turning red with anger.

  "Seriously? You're trying to make me jealous? With...that?" Ellie said, laughing once without humor.

  I instantly felt sick, and I craned my neck at Benji, who looked genuinely bewildered.

  "No," Benji said, shaking his head at me. "No way." He held up his hands.

  "Did you..." I couldn't finish. Couldn't even say the words.

  Benji shook his head again. "I have no idea what she's talking about."

  From the corner of my eye, I could see the beginnings of a grin on Ellie's face. Was she really so horrible that she would pretend to have dated Benji to ruin one of the only friendships I had?

  I grabbed Benji's cheeks and planted my lips on his. Benji's entire body tensed, and then he relaxed, pulling my body against his. His mouth parted, and what was supposed to be a quick, hard peck turned into a long, deep kiss with a lot of tongue and a lot of pressure from Benji's fingertips into my skin.

  I pulled away and we looked at each other. "I bet she's jealous now," I said, stealing a side-glance at Ellie.

  "Who cares?" Benji said, unable to look away from me. Although he hadn't been breathing hard on the treadmill, he was certainly breathing hard now.

  Ellie's mouth fell open, and then she walked away, tossing her hair as she turned.

  Once she was gone, I nodded to the weight machine. "That one?"

  Benji nodded and led me to the contraption, looking a bit bewildered.

  I sat on the seat, pulled the metal pin out of the bottom hole, and put it into the top hole. It was my first time in almost three years lifting weights or even exercising. Thirty-five pounds seemed like a good starting point.

  I pulled on the bar above my head until it touched the back of my neck and then slowly let it pull away. One rep after another, Benji watched me without saying a word.

  "Am I even doing this right?" I said, peering up at the bar as I pulled on it.

  "You do everything right," Benji said without hesitation.

  I let the bar slip out of my hands, and the weights crashed down.

  After a short pause, I sighed. "I was just being a bitch to Ellie. That's all."

  "It didn't feel that way," Benji said with a glimmer of hope in his sweet brown eyes.

  "You're right," I said, trying to change the subject. "This working out thing does help blow off steam. Maybe I could come here on Saturday mornings. We didn't get that much studying done."

  Benji watched me for a moment, and then he looked down and laughed. "Yeah, I can do Saturdays." When his eyes met mine, the disappointment in them stung.

  "I'd better get to the lab," I said, pointing behind me with my thumb.

  Just then, I felt a searing pain in my backside accompanied by a loud slapping noise that echoed throughout The Gym.

  A guy almost a head taller than Benji passed me, smirking. "It's about time you brought a piece of ass," he said.

  Benji immediately grabbed him and slammed him to the floor. Benji's elbow stretched back, high into the air, and his hand was balled into a shaking tight fist. Before he threw the punch, Benji pushed away from the guy and stood up.

  "I was just kidding, man! Damn!" he said.

  "Don't ever touch her like that again," Benji said, a dozen emotions moving across his face. He reached out and helped the guy up. Then, he grabbed my hand, leading me from The Gym to his car.

  We didn't speak during the fifteen-minute ride to the Fitz. I picked at the chipped black polish on my nails and stared out the window. The Mustang slowed to a stop at the curb, and my door unlocked with a click.

  "I'm sorry, Rory," he said, sighing. "I don't know what happened." He didn't look at me when he spoke. He just stared straight ahead.

  "It's fine," I said, shaking my head.

  I'd seen a completely different side of him. Before, I was struggling with returning the affections of a semi-annoying nerd. Suddenly, he was a badass. I'd wanted to kiss him again the second we stopped. Now, I was building up the nerve to do it again. He looked at me, and he knew exactly what I was thinking. Benji's line of sight fell to my lips, and his hand reached across the front of the center console and rested on my knee. We leaned toward each other. Holy shit, I'm actually going to do this.

  His phone buzzed, and the display lit up. Both of our bodies relaxed, and I looked down. The name above the number made my stomach turn. In bold white letters, it read, ELLIE. My eyes snapped back up to Benji's. His expression immediately turned desperate.

  "I can explain--"

  "Liar," I hissed, grabbing my backpack and slamming the door behind me.

  I ran up the stairs, through the glass double doors of the Fitz, and turned to the right before running down another set of stairs to the basement.

  Cy was standing there with the door held open.

  I stopped at the bottom of the stairs and then mentally gathered myself as I walked across the hall and into the lab. My movements felt forced and unnatural as I walked to my stool.

  "Are you okay?" Cy asked.

  "Fine," I said, staring at the keyboard in front of me.

  "Did someone hurt you?"

  I shook my head.

  "You seem...disappointed."

  I could tell that Cy was uncomfortable having this conversation with me, and it meant a lot that he was trying, which only made me feel more emotional.

  I took a deep breath. "Only in myself."

  "It's okay that you're late. Life is about more than just work."

  I looked over at the clock in the bottom right corner of my screen. He was right. I was ten minutes late.

  The corners of my mouth turned up, and I peered over at him. "Thanks."

  He cleared his throat and began clicking on his keyboard. "You're welcome," he said.

  "Can I ask you for a huge favor?"

  "Uh...yes, of course."

  "Would you..." Ugh, I felt so stupid even uttering the words. "Would you sit next to me tomorrow in class?"

  Cy stared at me for the longest time, and then his eyes danced all over the room. He blinked a lot and then simply nodded.

  "I know that's a stupid thing to ask. But there's a good reason for it, I promise."

  He nodded again and then went back to his data. If I could have at that moment shrunk into a puddle and slipped away under the door, I would have, but instead, I focused on entering every page of data Dr. Z had given us for the week.

  The next morning, I waited at my desk for Cy to walk in, praying he would beat Benji to class for once. I was so early that I had to wait outside for the previous class to dismiss.

  Once Cy walked through the door and looked up at me, I let out the breath I'd been holding. He climbed the steps, walked halfway down the row, and then sat in Benji's seat.

  "I owe you one. Seriously."

  Cy was clearly unsure about my request. He probably wasn't aware of whose seat he was commandeering, and I wasn't going to tell him, just in case he changed his mind.

  Benji walked in a few moments later with a somber face. He glanced up at me and immediately noticed Cy. I was hoping he would sit in one of the lower rows, but he climbed the steps and turned down our aisle. My heart began to thump against my rib cage so hard that my face was throbbing.

  Benji passed Cy and then me before taking the seat on my left side.

  I sat rigidly, completely unprepared and hoping Benji would just keep his mouth shut. But of course, he didn't.

  His head turned toward me, hesitant and nervous, and then one side of his mouth turned up. "I tried to call you."

  I didn't respond.

  "I came by your dorm. I guess you weren't home from the lab yet."

  I stayed silent, looking straight ahead. From the corner of my eye, I saw Cy glance in our direction.

  Benji leaned toward me, keeping his voice low. "Can we talk about this? Please let me explain. Rory, c'mon. Please? We just started to get things figured out. I--"
/>   Dr. Z walked in, and I opened my laptop to a blank and ready screen. I typed in the date and tried to stare a hole into Dr. Z's forehead.

  Cy leaned forward. "I don't believe she's ready to discuss your issue just yet. Maybe another time outside of class."

  Benji sighed and leaned back.

  Cy spoke again, "Since there appears to be something upsetting going on between the two of you, it would be polite to find another seat so that Rory can concentrate on her notes."

  Benji sank into his seat and nodded, and then he picked up his backpack. He passed in front of Cy and me, and then he climbed the steps, sitting somewhere above us.

  "Thank you," I whispered, still looking ahead.

  "I would say that you're welcome, but I seem to say that a lot."

  I offered a small smile and silently thanked Dr. Z for beginning his lecture earlier than normal.

  "We have a lot to cover today," Dr. Z said, "so let's go ahead and get started. Oxygenic photosynthesis..."

  STUDYING NOW CONSISTED OF ME, my notes, my laptop, and my dorm room. For two weeks, Benji asked me to give him the opportunity to explain--before class, after class, in texts--but every time my anger began to retreat, I would cross paths with Ellie in the hall and hate Benji all over again.

  On the first day of October, I was prepared to see Benji outside of Dr. Z's class with that same pathetic, miserable expression, but he wasn't there. I didn't give it much thought until Dr. Z began his lecture, and Benji never showed up. Cy had only taken Benji's seat the one time. After that, Benji got the hint and stayed away. Now that I knew Benji wasn't even sitting above me, I felt very lonely.

  I went to lunch and then to lab. Benji wasn't there either. My mind began to wander. I started feeling curious if he was sick, out of town, or something much worse. He'd been so miserable the past weeks, and I just ignored him.

  Twenty minutes into lab, I pulled my cell phone from my pocket. Benji hadn't texted or tried to call in two days. I tapped his name and then keyed in a message.

  You okay?

  He didn't respond. I tried again.

  Are you sick?

  Five minutes later and still nothing.

  I know I've been ignoring you, but you could at least let me know you're all right.

  He still hadn't texted me back by the time class was over, so I headed to Charlie's. At that time of day, everyone was going in and out of the front entrance, so it wasn't hard to slip inside and make my way to Benji's door. I knocked. Nothing. I knocked again.

  A tall, skinny undergrad with thick glasses stood next to me. "Can I help you?"

  "Benji didn't show up for class. Have you seen him?"

  He shook his head. "No, but he never locks his door unless he's home," he said, turning the knob.

  It opened, revealing his dark room.

  "Who only locks his door when he's home?" I thought aloud, peeking into Benji's room

  The undergrad shrugged his shoulders. "That's how you know he's not in there."

  I shut the door. "Thanks," I said before leaving Charlie's for the parking lot.

  The orange Mustang was hard to miss...and it wasn't there.

  I walked to Gigi's with my arms crossed over my chest. It was windy and getting colder. I was wearing a long-sleeved white T-shirt with a green short-sleeved T-shirt over that with jeans and boots, but it still wasn't enough to keep me warm. My ears were burning from exposure to the chilly wind.

  Gigi's was winding down with just a few stragglers having a late lunch. I wasn't surprised that Benji wasn't there. His Mustang wasn't parked outside, but I still had to check.

  I walked out, trying to think where else he would be, and I decided to head to The Gym. If he wasn't there, he probably went home to see his parents for a few days. Maybe he was sick and had to go to the doctor. It wasn't as if he had anyone here to take care of him, including me--the jealous bitch, who didn't even give him the chance to explain, much less apologize.

  The sun was low in the sky by the time I reached The Gym. My feet hurt, and my stomach was growling, but none of that mattered because Benji's orange Mustang was parallel parked out front.

  I ran across the street and up the stairs, pushing through the double doors. There he was, red-faced, drenched in sweat, and squatting about three hundred and fifty pounds. I walked over to him, too relieved to be embarrassed.

  "Benji?"

  Recognition lit his face, and he stood up, dropping the bar from his shoulders. He was breathing hard and exhausted, but he still looked just as miserable as he had for the past two weeks.

  "You weren't in class."

  He put his hands on his hips, trying to catch his breath. His eyes were bloodshot, exhausted, and sad.

  "Can we...can we talk outside?" I asked.

  He nodded, grabbed his coat, and followed me into the lobby and out the glass door. Then, we descended the steps. I sat on the curb next to his Mustang.

  Benji draped his coat around my shoulders and then sat next to me. "I'm sorry I didn't answer your text," he said quietly, looking at the asphalt. "I just couldn't go to class another day and see the anger in your eyes when you look at me, knowing you were just a few feet away and I couldn't talk to you."

  "I'm sorry. That was cruel and unusual punishment."

  He shook his head. "No, I deserved it. I wasn't honest with you."

  "I should have let you explain."

  "Not until you were ready. I just had to take a break from being patient."

  "You've been here all day?" I asked.

  "Pretty much."

  My stomach growled, and I covered it with both hands as if that would stop the noise.

  "Have you eaten?" he asked.

  "I've been looking for you since lab."

  "Since lab?" He looked around and sighed. "You went to Gigi's, too, didn't you?"

  "And your dorm."

  "You walked all over town?"

  "Well...yes...I don't have a car."

  Benji sighed and hung his head. "I'm such a jerk. C'mon, let's get food."

  "I..." I began, hesitating. "I don't care what happened with you and Ellie. It's none of my damn business. I just want to be friends again."

  Benji thought about that for a moment. It clearly wasn't everything he was hoping to hear. He pressed his lips together. "I can do that."

  "Yeah? I know it will be awkward for a while."

  "I promised you mess-free, remember? I'm not saying I'm going to stop pursuing you. I'm just saying I'll take whatever you give me."

  I couldn't help but smile. And then I couldn't help myself from elbowing him in the ribs.

  He laughed once. "See? Already back to normal."

  We stood, and Benji drove me to Gigi's where we had dinner for the first time. Ironically, we both ordered breakfast.

  "Full order of biscuits and gravy," the waitress said, placing a plate in front of Benji.

  "Breakfrito," she said, smiling as she set my plate down in front of me.

  Benji cut up his biscuits with a fork and then shoveled the first bite into his mouth.

  "I have today's notes, if you want them."

  "I do," Benji said after he swallowed. "But what about the other classes you missed?"

  "I'm sure we can make them up."

  "I'm not worried about me. Skipping class was my decision."

  "Looking for you was mine."

  Benji smiled. "I feel like a jerk for making you worry, but I can't deny that it feels pretty good that you were worried about me."

  "I'd be a jerk if I wasn't. I mean, yeah, I don't like that you lied to me about Ellie--"

  "It's really not what you think, Rory."

  "Then, what is she to you?"

  Benji shook his head and spoke with a nervous smile. "I guess she was sort of a coworker, but it was never anything more than that."

  "Coworker?" I asked.

  "She was my lab partner spring semester last year. That's why we have each other's phone number."

  I rested my
elbows on the table and covered my face with my hands. A stupid misunderstanding. Figures. "I'm such an asshole. I should have let you explain."

  "If you were mad at me, it means you cared enough to get jealous, right?"

  "Do you always look on the bright side?"

  "Yes."

  I smiled at him. We couldn't be more different, but I was beginning to appreciate it instead of holding that against him.

  "I'm surprised you can hold up your fork," I said.

  Benji paused, mid-bite. "Why is that?"

  "You had a bunch of weights on that bar. Were you lifting that much all morning?"

  "Pretty much. I've been blowing off stress like that since middle school."

  I shoved a piece of breakfrito into my mouth and chewed, narrowing my eyes at him, while I thought about his comment.

  "What stress? You seem like someone who had the perfect childhood."

  "My parents were great," he said, nodding, "but they worked a lot, and my dad was gone most of the time. We made sacrifices, just like anyone else."

  My muscles tensed. I had to stop myself from informing him that he had no idea about sacrifice, but it was just a knee-jerk reaction. Just because his parents weren't murdered didn't mean he didn't have the right to complain.

  "What about your childhood? I'm guessing you went to a lot of concerts," he said, nodding to my Ramones tee.

  I laughed once. "No, not until the summer after my senior year."

  "So, you spent the summer concert-bouncing? That's kind of amazing."

  "Pretty much," I said with a small smile. He was right. Not many people could say that.

  "Your parents were okay with that? Mine would have freaked."

  "They..." I trailed off, trying to think of the best answer that wouldn't lead to more questions. "They didn't really have a say."

  He smiled. "That doesn't surprise me at all. I'm sure they know that you would have found a way to do what you want. Makes me wonder what they're like. Raising such a free spirit."

  I thought about his comment. I'd never felt like a free spirit. More like someone who was weighed down by her horrific past. But Benji made me see something about myself that I hadn't seen before--the bright side. It was nice to think that maybe my parents were looking down on me, satisfied with my fortitude.

  "You're kind of awesome sometimes," I said, smiling at him.

  "Yeah?" he said, a hopeful look in his eyes.

  An hour after we'd sat down, Benji waved down the waitress and insisted on paying.

  "When do you have to go to the Fitz?" he asked.

  I looked at my phone to check the time and noticed that both Cy and Dr. Z had called. "Oh, shit. I'm an hour late."