Beautiful Disaster Read online

  Shepley shook his head, closing his eyes.

  “What, baby?” America asked, sitting taller.

  “Travis is,” he sighed, rolling his eyes. “Forget it.”

  America wore a stubborn expression. “Oh, hell no, you can’t just—”

  She cut off when Travis sat down and swung his arm behind me. “Damn it! The food’s not here yet?”

  We laughed and joked until the restaurant closed, and then filed into the car for the ride home. Shepley carried America up the stairs on his back, but Travis stayed behind, tugging on my arm to keep me from following. He looked up at our friends until they disappeared behind the door and then offered a regretful smile. “I owe you an apology for today, so I’m sorry.”

  “You’ve already apologized. It’s fine.”

  “No, I apologized for Parker. I don’t want you thinking I’m some psycho that goes around attacking people over the tiniest thing,” he said, “but I owe you an apology because I didn’t defend you for the right reason.”

  “And that would be …” I prompted.

  “I lunged at him because he said he wanted to be next in line, not because he was teasing you.”

  “Insinuating there is a line is plenty reason for you to defend me, Trav.”

  “That’s my point. I was pissed because I took that as him wanting to sleep with you.”

  After processing what Travis meant, I grabbed the sides of his shirt and pressed my forehead against his chest. “You know what? I don’t care,” I said, looking up at him. “I don’t care what people are saying or that you lost your temper, or why you messed up Chris’s face. The last thing I want is a bad reputation, but I’m tired of explaining our friendship to everyone. To hell with ’em.”

  Travis’s eyes turned soft, and the corners of his mouth turned up. “Our friendship? Sometimes I wonder if you listen to me at all.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Let’s go in. I’m tired.”

  I nodded, and he held me against his side until we were inside the apartment. America and Shepley had already shut themselves in their bedroom, and I slipped in and out of the shower. Travis sat with Toto outside while I dressed in my pajamas, and within half an hour, we were both in bed.

  I rested my head on my arm, breathing out a long, relaxing puff of air. “Just two weeks left. What are you going to do for drama when I move back to Morgan?”

  “I don’t know,” he said. I could see his tormented frown, even in the darkness.

  “Hey,” I touched his arm. “I was kidding.”

  I watched him for a long time, breathing, blinking, and trying to relax. He fidgeted a bit and then looked over at me. “Do you trust me, Pidge?”

  “Yeah, why?”

  “C’mere,” he said, pulling me against him. I stiffened for a second or two before resting my head on his chest. Whatever was going on with him, he needed me near him, and I couldn’t have objected even if I’d wanted to. It felt right lying next to him.

  Chapter Nine

  PROMISE

  Finch shook his head. “Okay, so you’re with Parker, or with Travis? I’m confused.”

  “Parker’s not talking to me, so that’s sort of up in the air right now,” I said, bouncing to readjust my backpack.

  He blew out a puff of smoke and then picked a piece of tobacco from his tongue. “So are you with Travis?”

  “We’re friends, Finch.”

  “You realize everyone thinks you two are having some sort of freaky friends-with-benefits thing going on that you’re not admitting to, right?”

  “I don’t care. They can think what they want.”

  “Since when? What happened to the nervous, mysterious, guarded Abby I know and love?”

  “She died from the stress of all the rumors and assumptions.”

  “That’s too bad. I’m going to miss pointing and laughing at her.”

  I smacked Finch’s arm, and he laughed. “Good. It’s about time you quit pretending,” he said.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Honey, you’re talking to someone’s who’s lived most of his life pretending. I spotted you a mile away.”

  “What are you trying to say, Finch? That I’m closet lesbian?”

  “No, that you’re hiding something. The cardigans, the demure sophisticate that goes to fancy restaurants with Parker Hayes … that’s not you. Either you were a small-town stripper or you’ve been to rehab. The latter’s my guess.”

  I laughed out loud. “You are a terrible guesser!”

  “So what’s your secret?”

  “If I told you, it wouldn’t be a secret, now would it?”

  His features sharpened with an impish grin. “I’ve shown you mine, now show me yours.”

  “I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your sexual orientation isn’t exactly a secret, Finch.”

  “Fuck! And I thought I had the mysterious sex-kitten thing going for me,” he said, taking another drag.

  I cringed before I spoke. “Did you have a good home life, Finch?”

  “My mom’s great … my dad and I had a lot of issues to work out, but we’re good, now.”

  “I had Mick Abernathy for a father.”

  “Who’s that?”

  I giggled. “See? It’s not a big deal if you don’t know who he is.”

  “Who is he?”

  “A mess. The gambling, the drinking, the bad temper … it’s hereditary in my family. America and I came here so I could start fresh, without the stigma of being the daughter of a drunken has-been.”

  “A gambling has-been from Wichita?”

  “I was born in Nevada. Everything Mick touched turned to gold back then. When I turned thirteen, his luck changed.”

  “And he blamed you.”

  “America gave up a lot to come here with me so I could get away, but I get here and walk face-first into Travis.”

  “And when you look at Travis …”

  “It’s all too familiar.”

  Finch nodded, flicking his cigarette to the ground. “Shit, Abby. That sucks.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “If you tell anyone what I just told you, I’ll call the Mob. I know some of them, you know.”

  “Bullshit.”

  I shrugged. “Believe what you want.”

  Finch eyed me suspiciously, and then smiled. “You are officially the coolest person I know.”

  “That’s sad, Finch. You should get out more,” I said, stopping at the cafeteria entrance.

  He pulled my chin up. “It’ll all work out. I’m a firm believer in the whole things-happening-for-a-reason adage. You came here, America met Shep, you found your way to the Circle, something about you turned Travis Maddox’s world upside down. Think about it,” he said, planting a quick kiss on my lips.

  “Hey now!” Travis said. He grabbed me by the waist, lifted me off my feet, returning me to the ground behind him. “You’re the last person I’d have to worry about that shit from, Finch! Throw me a bone, here!” he teased.

  Finch leaned to the side of Travis and winked. “Later, Cookie.”

  When Travis turned to face me, his smile faded. “What’s the frown for?”

  I shook my head, trying to let the adrenaline run its course. “I just don’t like that nickname. It has some bad memories attached to it.”

  “Term of endearment from the youth minister?”

  “No,” I grumbled.

  Travis punched his palm. “Do you want me to go beat the piss out of Finch? Teach him a lesson? I’ll take him out.”

  I couldn’t help but smile. “If I wanted to take Finch out, I’d just tell him Prada went out of business, and he’d finish the job for me.”

  Travis laughed, nudging toward the door. “Let’s go! I’m wasting away, here!”

  We sat at the lunch table together picking on each other with pinches and elbows to the ribs. Travis’s mood was as optimistic as on the night I lost the bet. Everyone at the table noticed, and when he instigated a mini-food fight with me
, it garnered the attention of those sitting at the tables around us.

  I rolled my eyes. “I feel like a zoo animal.”

  Travis watched me for a moment, noted those staring, and then stood up. “I CAN’T!” he yelled. I stared in awe as the entire room jerked their heads in his direction. Travis bobbed his head a couple of times to a beat in his head.

  Shepley closed his eyes. “Oh, no.”

  Travis smiled. “Get no … sa … tis … faction,” he sang. He kept belting out the lyrics as he climbed onto the table as everyone stared.

  He pointed to the football players at the end of the table and they smiled and yelled the lyrics back in unison. The whole room clapped to the beat.

  Travis sang into his fist and danced past me.

  The whole room chanted in harmony.

  Travis jerked his hips, and a few whistles and squeals from the girls in the room fired off. He walked by me again, singing the chorus to the other side of the room, the football players his backup singers.

  He pointed to his clapping audience. Some people stood and danced with him, but most just watched with amused amazement.

  He jumped to the adjacent table and America squealed and clapped, elbowing me. I shook my head; I had died and woken up in “High School Musical.”

  The football players were humming the base line, “Na, na, nanana! Na, na, na! Na na, nanana!”

  Travis held his fist-microphone high, then jumped down, leaned across the table, and sang into my face.

  The room clapped to the beat, and as he hit the final note, he stood smiling and breathless.

  The entire room exploded into applause, even a few whistles. I shook my head after he kissed my forehead, and then stood up to take a bow. When he returned to his seat in front of me, he chuckled.

  I couldn’t help but smile. “If I wanted to take Finch out, I’d just tell him Prada went out of business, and he’d finish the job for me.”

  Travis laughed, nudging toward the door. “Let’s go! I’m wasting away, here!”

  We sat at the lunch table together picking on each other with pinches and elbows to the ribs. Travis’s mood was as optimistic as the night I lost the bet. Everyone at the table noticed, and when he instigated a mini-food fight with me, it garnered the attention of those sitting at the tables around us.

  I rolled my eyes. “I feel like a zoo animal.”

  “They’re not looking at you, now, are they?” he panted.

  “Thanks. You really shouldn’t have,” I said.

  “Abs?”

  I looked up to see Parker standing at the end of the table. All eyes were on me once again.

  “We need to talk,” Parker said, seeming nervous. I looked at America, Travis, and then to Parker. “Please?” he asked, shoving his hands in his pockets.

  I nodded, following him outside. He walked past the windows to the privacy of the side of the building. “I didn’t mean to draw attention to you again. I know how you hate that.”

  “Then you might have just called if you wanted to talk,” I said.

  He nodded, looking to the ground. “It wasn’t my intention to find you in the cafeteria. I saw the commotion, and then you, and I just went in. I’m sorry.”

  I waited, and he spoke again, “I don’t know what happened with you and Travis. It’s none of my business … you and I have only been on a handful of dates. I was upset at first, but then I realized that it wouldn’t have bothered me if I didn’t have feelings for you.”

  “I didn’t sleep with him, Parker. He held my hair while I hurled a pint of Patrón in his toilet. That’s as romantic as it got.”

  He laughed once. “I don’t think we’ve really gotten a fair shot … not with you living with Travis. The truth is, Abby, I like you. I don’t know what it is, but I can’t seem to stop thinking about you.” I smiled and he took my hand, running his finger over my bracelet. “I probably scared you off with this ridiculous present, but I’ve never been in this situation before. I feel like I’m constantly competing with Travis for your attention.”

  “You didn’t scare me off with the bracelet.”

  He pressed his lips together. “I’d like to take you out again in a couple of weeks, after your month is up with Travis. Then we can concentrate on getting to know each other without the distraction.”

  “Fair enough.”

  He leaned down and closed his eyes, pressing his lips against mine. “I’ll call you soon.”

  I waved goodbye, and then returned to the cafeteria, passing Travis.

  He grabbed me, pulling me onto his lap. “Breakin’ up is hard to do?”

  “He wants to try again when I’m back at Morgan.”

  “Shit, I’m going to have to think of another bet,” he said, pulling my plate in front of me.

  · · ·

  The next two weeks flew by. Other than class, I spent every waking moment with Travis, and most of that time we spent alone. He took me to dinner, for drinks and dancing at the Red, bowling; and he was called out to two fights. When we weren’t laughing ourselves silly, we were play-wrestling, or snuggling on the couch with Toto, watching a movie. He made a point to ignore every girl that batted an eyelash at him, and everyone talked about the new Travis.

  My last night in the apartment, America and Shepley were inexplicably absent, and Travis labored over a special Last Night dinner. He bought wine, set out napkins, and even brought home new silverware for the occasion. He sat our plates on the breakfast bar and pulled his stool to the other side to sit across from me. For the first time, I got the distinct feeling we were on a date.

  “This is really good, Trav. You’ve been holding out on me,” I said as I chewed the Cajun chicken pasta he had prepared.

  He forced a smile, and I could see he was working hard to keep the conversation light. “If I told you before, you would have expected it every night.” His smile faded, and his eyes fell to the table.

  I rolled my food around on my plate. “I’m going to miss you, too, Trav.”

  “You’re still gonna come over, right?”

  “You know I will. And you’ll be at Morgan’s, helping me study just like you did before.”

  “But it won’t be the same,” he sighed. “You’ll be dating Parker, we’re going to get busy … go in different directions.”

  “It’s not going to change that much.”

  He managed a single laugh. “Who would have thought from the first time we met that we’d be sitting here? You couldn’t have told me three months ago that I’d be this miserable over saying goodbye to a girl.”

  My stomach sank. “I don’t want you to be miserable.”

  “Then don’t go,” he said. His expression was so desperate that the guilt formed a lump in my throat.

  “I can’t move in here, Travis. That’s crazy.”

  “Says who? I just had the best two weeks of my life.”

  “Me, too.”

  “Then why do I feel like I’m never gonna see you again?”

  I didn’t have a reply. His jaws tensed, but he wasn’t angry. The urge to go to him grew insistent, so I stood up and walked around the bar, sitting on his lap. He didn’t look at me, so I hugged his neck, pressing my cheek against his.

  “You’re going to realize what a pain in the ass I was, and then you’ll forget all about missing me,” I said into his ear.

  He puffed a breath of air as he rubbed my back. “Promise?”

  I leaned back and looked into his eyes, touching each side of his face with my hands. I caressed his jaw with my thumb; his expression was heartbreaking. I closed my eyes and leaned down to kiss the corner of his mouth, but he turned so that I caught more of his lips than I’d intended.

  Even though the kiss surprised me, I didn’t pull back right away.

  Travis kept his lips on mine, but he didn’t take it any further.

  I finally pulled away, playing it off with a smile. “I have a big day tomorrow. I’m going to clean up the kitchen, and then I’m going to head to
bed.”

  “I’ll help you,” he said.

  We did the dishes together in silence, with Toto asleep at our feet. He dried the last dish and set it in the rack and then led me down the hall, holding my hand a bit too tight. The distance from the mouth of the hallway to his bedroom door seemed to take twice as long. We both knew that goodbye was just a few hours away.

  He didn’t even try to pretend not to watch this time as I changed into one of his T-shirts for bed. He stripped down to his boxers and climbed under the blanket, waiting for me to join him.

  Once I did, Travis flipped off the lamp, and then pulled me against him without permission or apology. He tensed his arms and sighed, and I nestled my face into his neck. I shut my eyes tight, trying to savor the moment. I knew I would wish for that moment back every day of my life, so I lived it with everything I had.

  He looked out the window. The trees cast a shadow across his face. Travis clenched his eyes shut, and a sinking feeling settled over me. It was agonizing to see him suffer, knowing that not only was I the cause of it … I was the only one that could take it away.

  “Trav? Are you okay?” I asked.

  There was a long pause before he finally spoke. “I’ve never been less okay in my life.”

  I pressed my forehead against his neck, and he squeezed me tighter. “This is silly,” I said. “We’re going to see each other every day.”

  “You know that’s not true.”

  The weight of the grief we both felt was crushing, and an irrepressible need came over me to save us both. I lifted my chin, but hesitated; what I was about to do would change everything. I reasoned that Travis didn’t see intimacy as anything but a way to pass the time, and I shut my eyes again and swallowed back my fears. I had to do something, knowing we would both lay awake, dreading every passing minute until morning.

  My heart pounded as I touched his neck with my lips and then tasted his flesh in a slow, tender kiss. He looked down with surprise, and then his eyes softened with the realization of what I wanted.

  He leaned down, pressing his lips against mine with a delicate sweetness. The warmth from his lips traveled all the way to my toes, and I pulled him closer to me. Now that we had taken the first step, I had no intention of stopping there.